It was the chance of a lifetime. Not just full access, but an invitation was extended to submit a book proposal without a literary agent. In January I fidgeted in my seat with excitement as the news was shared.
Months were spent consulting with my most trusted friends and editors as we labored over the book proposal. It was ready to go. I hit send. I waited.
3.5 weeks later, an email appears in my inbox and I read the words “while we won’t be able to publish this study at this time…”
I shared it with my husband, I texted my best friend and then I sat back in my chair and processed. What is one supposed to feel in a moment like this? A year and a half was spent on this project, birthing it out, working when feeling inspired, and pressing through while feeling dry.
When disappointing news engages us, we subconsciously have a choice to react in one of two ways: How we think we should respond, and responding with what we’re actually feeling.
I pondered. Listened. Waited. Taking the scalpel to my heart and my emotions, I had to dissect what was really happening in those secret places. What I found surprised me: Peace.
When we make the choice to listen to what we’re actually feeling, and not what we’re expected to feel it causes us to stop and analyze the facts. Here’s some questions I found helpful as I dissected my heart:
What do I actually know to be true?
What’s the big picture here?
What was the last thing God said to me?
I’m not totally sure, but maybe for some of us we could save ourselves a whole lot of drama and tears if we stopped and listened to our heart, rather than dictate an expected reaction. This is a concept I’m working through.
So what happened with the book proposal? They want me to consider writing it as a non-fiction book, rather than a 5 week Bible Study. I have a plan, and rewriting to do, but for now I’m content to sit back and take a breath.
Here’s the thing: When you know the Lord has asked you to do something, it’s not your job to dictate the outcome. It’s only your job to do the work. Besides, even if all those hours laboring through the task was just to sit it all at His feet and say “I’m finished with what You asked me to do”, isn’t that enough?